Jubilee! Chruch
This was my second trip to the Jubilee! Church, the first was with the ERTE class. The format was much the same as last time. There was much singing and they tried to get the congregants involved with the service through movement. I like the circular arrangement of seating very much. It allows for everyone to see everyone else. The theology that this congregation embraces seems to have in it everything that the Christianity of my youth lacked. They stressed providing for the poor, care of the earth and an openness to diversity. Seeing Christians like this has shaped and changed my view of what Christianity is like, I now know that it is possible for Christians to be different than the ones I saw in my childhood. I think that when it comes to this congregation, my attitude is basically, "I am sure glad that they are here, but I don't think that I would ever want to be a regular part of it." As glad as I am to know that they are there, I have a few misgivings about the church. I am not too comfortable with the "pep- rally" style of service that they perform. I felt like it was a little like cotton candy, sweet and all, but not much substance. I was also a bit put off by the use of what appeared to me at least to be obvious Pagan elements (calling of the quarters) without a real sense that they knew what they were doing (it was done backwards). It is sorta like when Steve Rice gets irked at the "dream catcher" workshops were white folk make what he refers to as a "childs toy". I was also a bit bothered by the parading around of the bird for all to see. I just wanted to yell, "just let the poor thing go or at least let it die in peace instead of being terrified by all these people." Even as I write this, however, I am wondering if I have not become to cynical. Here are these folks that are apparently showing concern for the things that I am concerned about, why are you complaining? I guess that I wonder how sincere it all is. Are they paying lip service to these things, or are they really doing more than tokens?
Creation Spirituality Guy
Well, I told you that I was going to forget his name! As long as I am in this complaining mode, I think that the only thing that I would complain about his visit would be the mood that all of us seemed to be in that day. I got the feeling that none of us had gotten any sleep in like weeks and I could see this in the lack of enthusiasm that I am I think just about the rest of us had during the dance. I remember looking at you and seeing you so full of life and energy and them reflecting inward on myself and how all I was thinking about at that point was getting to lunch. I am sorry that I am digressing, I will get back... It is just that while I write this it is 2:53 AM and I have not slept since Monday and my whole body is flooded with caffeine, ready to give out on me and screaming to let me sleep, but I can not, I must go on. I hurt down to my inner core. I watched you and wondered, where has my zest and verve for life gone, why do I not want to dance, why does nothing seem to bring me that sort of ecstacy any more? The idea that there might be more and more of these types of Christians in the world is an exciting thought indeed. There's is a philosophy that would lead a person not to judge, rule and destroy, but rather one which would honour all life. I am still not comfortable with having to attach the beliefs to a specific person, however. I still think that a religion based on the teachings of a single man is still too limiting, requires you to at least some small degree put the person up on some sort of pedestal (I don't want anyone on a pedestal- period) and no matter how much you try, some one will make a god out of him and that is where the trouble starts. I think that what I have to accept is that for some people that this box that spirituality is put into for some people will always be called "Jesus" simply because that is the language that they speak, the image that they see, the childhood myths that speak to them. Starhawk often speaks of the way to face some sort of "enemy" or evil or demon (internal or external) is not to vanquish it, but rather to transform it. Seeing this "transformed" Christianity manifest gives hope that the current dominator model of the world that has lead to so much environmental destruction can be changed to a more healthy one. I have come to see people who have taken up this type of Christian Creation Spirituality as very important because they are able to take things like environmental concerns and translate it into a language and a mythology that many people can digest. There are some that would never be comfortable thinking of the Earth Mother Goddess or the Great Mystery or the Eightfold Path, but put into the language that they can understand, relate to and image with the religious images that they are in tune with, we can all be working together for the same environmental (and other) concerns.
Gabriel Horn
I found myself relating very well with that Gabriel saw
the world and the theology that he has. It is very much like the way that
I see the world, but perhaps articulated better. I have always had trouble
attaching any sort of name to the creative power of the Universe. I even
paused when trying to type this, floundering to decide what to call something
that I can't attach a name. The concept of the Great Mystery speaks to me.
When I think of the Cosmos, the all that is, I cannot imagine it sometimes
as even the Great Mother. I see that even the Great Mother is a subset of
something larger and even further beyond our understanding. Some people
feel more comfortable putting some sort of name, face and personality to
this, and it brings them closer to it. But try as I might, I cannot seem
to pin down any specific. I also thought that his cup analogy of human life
was the best analogy to human existance that I have heard yet, and some how
rings true, although I realize that like all analogies it is very limited
also.
This leads me towards...
Elders Summit
Gabriel also talked about this concept of our life essence being like the water in a cup that was poured back into a lake at the Elders Summit. His was the first I attended and I can remember in that dark room that smelled of incense that I started to drift into a dream like state. When he drummed, I found myself in a different frame of mind, lost in my own thoughts. He spoke of how he felt that when that like essence gets poured back into the lake that some of that energy goes out to effect those who are left behind also. Like part of that essence enters into those close to that person and effects their lives When I meditated during the drumming and drifted off into that dream like state, I could not stop thinking of being "poured into the lake". I would like to think that my life essence would not be dumped into a lake, but rather would simply be dumped into another cup! I feel that I suffer a great deal with wanting very badly the very thing that the Buddhists insist that we must let go of: the desire for some sort of permanent lasting self. There is something inside of me that is terrified of the thought that some day I simply wont exist anymore. When we talk of death in class and I think of the concept, my stomach gets tied up in horrible knots. I feel it, right in my gut, it terrifies me. Sometimes when I am alone at night it hits me and I have to actually do something to distract myself because I cannot stand the feeling. In Gabriel's talk, I was having the same feelings. The image of the cup being poured back into the lake that seemed to make so much sense to me was envisioned in my mind and soon the sound of his voice blurred in the background like a melodic chant. He had gone on to talk of the proper use of tobacco, but my mind was filled with the image of the cup being poured out. More than anything, I don't ever want to stop being me, stop existing, stop living. I can't write anymore about this, because if I keep thinking about it, the fear increases to a point in which it paralyses me completely.
It was good that the next session that I went to was much more light in it's flavor. Sara was giving a workshop on colors and their meanings. The way in which she explained them was similar to what I have been taught, but had some important differences. She did not use the colors red or black at all. I thought that it was interesting that these are the two colors that our culture's mythology traditionally have attached "bad" connotations to. I saw Sara as being a very gentle spirit, and maybe in her frame of references, there was only the light, and not much of the dark, the black. I think that the dark is something that must be faced, however. I think that what I enjoyed about the workshop was not as much the material that was being covered as much as being in Sara's calm presence and feeling the calmness. She spoke of the spectrum starting with white and ending with purple and also of the color orange representing wisdom. I later brought her a purple, white and orange flower. I am not sure why I did this, it just seemed like what I wanted to do.