K. Mark Demma

Psy 215 - Summers

Interview #3

Perhaps the first thing one might notice about "Chris", a young man of 21 years, is his "punk" appearance. Shorn hair and second hand clothes give the semblance of someone who is portraying an image of someone who wishes to be outside of what is called mainstream. Many in our society may be prone to dismiss a person with this sort of appearance as simply "a young hooligan". To do so, however, would deprive one of the opportunity to learn more about a fascinating person who has a unique outlook towards the world and the injustices that he has perceived in it and a strength of person that has allowed him to remain centered in adverse conditions.

"Chris" was born in Ann Arbor to a middle class family. His first major challenge in life centred around the divorce of his parents. Besides the usual emotional trauma that usually accompanies such an ordeal, he also had to deal with the income inequities between his parents and the declining mental health of his mother. He lived with his mother after the divorce, who struggled to maintain jobs. She spent some time in treatment for mental illness, displaying very erratic emotional behaviour. Although he did not specifically state this, it seemed as though there was some role reversal in their relationship in that he was called to provide emotional stability for his mother. He also described his mother as being "emotionally abusive." Another problem he had to deal with as a result of his mother's erratic emotional behaviour was the fact that it caused them to live in a somewhat impoverished condition. His father, on the other hand, was doing quite well financially. This experience gave him an early lesson in the inequities of social classes.

Amid the turmoil in his adolescence, "Chris" found some things that added some stability to his life. His interest in Punk Music led him to a circle of friends with whom he felt accepted. It was from these new friends that he began to learn about social activism. This involvement in social activism was to become a major focal point of his faith later in his life. He also found a safe refuge at an Aunts house, a place that he still considers more of a safe haven than either of his parents' domiciles. His Aunt exposed him to Pagan circles and Buddhist practices. She is also the person he turns to in time of crisis, saying that she gives, "good advice and tells you what you need to hear."

"Chris" found that leaving home was quite a relief for him, as it afforded an emotional break from his mother and their unhealthy relationship. His newfound sense of freedom was greatly enhanced the first summer he spent traveling. His emerging aspirations for adventure and a "punk lifestyle" had been squashed by his mother, who insisted that he needed to hold down a job to survive. He found that he could manage to survive on his own and subsist and be happy with much less than most people. This insight did much to improve his self worth and confidence after being told for years that his ideals were foolish. It meant so much to him to be able to finally do what he had dreamed of doing and not have it turn out as terribly as his mother had told him it would. (Chris also mentioned losing his virginity as being a major important turning point in his life, but was not asked to elaborate further on this point.)

These summer trips, surviving on the road with little money and only as much as he could carry on his back meant more for "Chris" than just being able to survive on his own. He got to put into practice the anarchist ideals that had only just been theories that he had read about. He was arrested several times for trying to feed homeless people with the organisation "Food Not Bombs" (as absurd as the notion is that people could be arrested for giving away food). He recalls this work as, "Big glorious things that gave meaning to my life, other things seemed unimportant by comparison."

"Being involved in Revolutionary Social Change," then, became one of the most important thing that gave "Chris's" life meaning. He also cites several other things as giving his life meaning: "Interaction with people I find "amazing" and contact with people in general; having fun; reading; travel; walking; gardening; creating art or community or food; writing; girls (butch ones with shaved heads) and masturbation." [The last item was added with much laughter.]

The first person on "Chris's" list of important people is his Aunt Sue, the giver of good advice. She seems to be the person from which he has derived much of his morals and beliefs. He also sites people in the anarchist community, specifically those who got him involved in the actual "doing". Also cites those with whom he was gone on "adventures", such as Maria who impressed him as someone who was older (26- ancient indeed) and was still a punk anarchist. He also remembers a woman from Ann Arbor who had "Happy Coffee and Sponge Painting" who exposed him to new ideas. (And when pressed, his roommate.)

"Chris" did not mention his father as being an important person in his life. The relationship with his father seems to be a very strained one, with their ideals being so far apart from each other. He remembers in his childhood that they would go out and do fun things "to escape his mother" but felt much resentment towards his father after the divorce. (He did not specify exactly why he might have felt this way.) Now, even though some of the original resentment may not be as strong, he still feels awkward and alienated around him. This is perhaps because of their differences in values when it comes to money and material possessions. "Chris" prefers to never buy anything new and gets by only on what he actually needs. His father, on the other hand, is quite well off financially. As an example illustrating their differences, he relates a Christmas in which he asked for a "nice simple camera with manual everything but he got an expensive camera instead." ["Chris" produced an unused extremely expensive camera with many buttons.] "He can buy me stuff but we can't have a fucking conversation." It was evident from the emotion in his voice that his relationship with his distant father still caused much pain. He related that he cried when he wrote a letter to his father recently declining an invitation to have Thanksgiving dinner with him.

Other sources of pain in his life, aside from his parents, have occurred at times when his adventures and social actions go awry. He gave as examples the time he was almost raped by a man who seemed to just be offering hospitality and in Atlanta where their activism failed. (Homeless people being shipped out for Olympics.) He also cites times when he feels alone and isolated.

When asked about taboos, "Chris" at first could not think of any. After pondering, he remembers that as a teen he had a homosexuality taboo along with his peers. Now he would say that if he had a taboo it would be not to look wealthy or be part of the establishment.

"Chris's" belief system is grounded in his anarchist ideals. He first says when asked about beliefs that he is "trying to figure things out." Other beliefs include, "Equality, anarchism, the inherent nobility and righteousness of poor and working people; a hatred of capitalism; hatred of conformity; love of creativity; hatred of 'uniform' and a belief in the inherent goodness of wild." He believes the purpose in human life is to, "make human life as good as possible for all people and to fill life with fulfilling and enriching activities. When asked if some approaches to life are better than others, "Chris" answers with a resounding, "Yes!" He feels that it is, "better to struggle to be free and creative and to have true fun. Pursuit of money is bad. Suburban life is scary. 'McDonaldism' and consumerism of life is bad."

Traditional religious symbols and rituals seem to have little meaning for "Chris". For him, anarchist symbols are important (but apparently not exceedingly important to the point of becoming icons as such.) His "rituals" consist of punkshows and protests and simple things: drinking coffee (a closet UU?), travel, gardening and "giving out free stuff." His faith in the anarchist cause is nurtured in the anarchist community and by "people with a sense of adventure." He shows his faith by being faithful to his ideals. In his words, these include:

A strong commitment to not buying, not consuming, activism and community. Commitment to spending life feeding hungry and helping people liberate themselves. [I am] against the lifestyle and ethics of being a "professional" and [have an] aversion to getting a "real" job. When I was 15 and depressed, I made a promise to myself not to kill myself but to go off and do what I want.

When asked to classify himself into a religion, he identifies the most with Tibetan Buddhism (although it would appear that his anarchist beliefs are more profound to him.) True to Sidartha's teachings, however, he does not seem to concern himself greatly with the metaphysical realms. Natural law? "Not sure what you would call it" Life after death? "Not sure, maybe reincarnation." God? "I think that God is beyond explanation and words. Not so much a being out there but something I can't describe." Prayer? "I don't pray. I meditate- I think about." To "Chris", different religions are, "simply different models of the same thing. Some parts of other religions bother me, but that does not mean that they are not 'true'" To him, sin is the "unjust injuring of other human beings or acts of oppression." He does not think that religion is needed to instill morals in people.

When thinking of his own growth, "Chris" says that he is, "Wrestling with what to do with my own life- the balance between taking care of myself and helping others and class issues." He would also like to be more self confident and, "make more of a positive social change." To him, mature faith is, "Faith that isn't afraid of other viewpoints, faith that avoids superficiality and pretension, like a Buddhist who thinks more of their own mind rather than if they using the right mantra or sitting on the mat correctly. One who understands paradoxes."

It is interesting that when asked to describe mature faith, "Chris" basically described many aspects of Fowler's Stage 5 and some aspects of Stage 6. Even though he is still quite young, "Chris" seems to have progressed farther in his own faith development than many people of his age, perhaps because his difficult upbringing has flavoured the content of his life so much. He has seen (both involuntarily and purposely) much injustice in the world. He has had to, in many ways, be responsible for his mother. He has made many difficult decisions in his life. Among them is the choice to turn away from material concerns. He could, if he desired to, ask his father for material possessions and would probably receive them. Although he is fairly concrete in his ideas concerning the injustice of the class system, he is could not necessarily be called closed minded, evidenced by his ability to overcome a taboo against homosexuality and his bad experience with a man sexually assaulting him to the point that he can accept his gay college roommate. Some cynically minded people might say that his ideals and enthusiasm for social justice are the product of youthful idealism and will fade as he encounters "the real world". Although this may have happen to many other people, I do not believe that this will be the case with "Chris". He seems to have a deep, sincere faith in his beliefs and his call to social justice. He has already made self sacrifices to achieve these goals. I believe that with a faith this strong that he will continue to work for his ideals all throughout his life.